faster than the speed of light.

and it's funny how the sun can drip its liquid so fucking fast.

faster than the speed of light
its droplets fall unto me
sinks into my scalp
hair growing longer, the sun is nutrition



its funny how the anguish of elevators being pulled up and down by limbs of trees, seem to never speak their mind.
because their attatched to wires.
and who ever is inside, cannot see the liquid falling.
falling faster than the speed of light.

waging wars within.

i Watched the day stir, and the night spin.

waging wars within, my head orbiting around what was so simple hours before.

but by now, it tears me apart.

the one thing i thought connected me between now and then.

i could count on it like oxygen, 

always there, never wandered to far. 

i could feel it when we lay miles apart.

and my insides reached, 

the canvas of my mind, so weak and tired of fighting, needed to be painted.

i looked into the eyes that never fooled me.

they didn't see what everyone else did.

and the mouth connected to those eyes told me sweet stories.

and i pulled pieces of each phrase apart,

i thought it was a different situation 

but as those eyes closed,i would watch the day stir.

feel the night spin, 

and i cannot see, even in the light.

but i have grounds for change.

it's in my blood, and my insides are reaching for the better.

my mind isn't being painted with chemicals.

natural thoughts. scared, but true.

i am me again. 

this reminded me of you,

i saw this picture, and it reminded me of my girlfriend.
for some reason, i thought of when we were in the Burton store in nyc,
waiting in line to pay for some something she bought.
my arms around her waist.
fingers interlocked with hers, inside of her pockets.
remember when we tried to find the subway?
and my eyes kept tearing?
remember how fast my heart was beating when you lied down next to me in my grandparents apartment.
remember those floating words?
i love her so much.

Hate Me, Blue October.

I’m sober now for 3 whole months, it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I’ll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you


And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
‘Till I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands
And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away,” just make a smile
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered, “How can you do this to me?”

promise

the promise of my arms around your neck greets us just as a draped lei.
it is replaced with the way you say good morning, how it just rolls off your tongue.
and waits in the corner of our dark house,
to steal my thoughts.
it maps the constellation of scars and blemishes on your shins.
and invades the air, that was once so soft.

     i should most likely be on my way out,
     the flowers are dead,
      it's night time, and the air is soft again.

in the wine colored air.

i feel like telling you everything.

talking until my lips run dry.

'till all of the words are out of me, 

and in the wine colored air.

until they are not my problem, 

and i am free. 

monsters aren't in the closet.

take it all away,
i don't feel it anymore.
i've stopped looking for the monsters under my bed.
stopped peering in the closet hoping they wouldn't be.
because i've realized the monsters are inside of me.
and no map can direct me how to make it home,
we're alone.
with the monsters inside.

"I don’t think that I like you anymore. Well, I found new feelings at the feeling store, and I can’t find you at our kissing place, and I’m scared of those new pairs of eyes you have." 

- Animal Collective. 

tangible and flame proof

we are melting from the inside
i am in love with good things.
good, tangible things.
sticky hands grab us by the neck.
our fears spreading out.
climbing outside of us,
crawling up our spine.

it's the skin and bones that counts, anyway.
what else are we once everything else has melted away?
sometimes i feel like shit,
but at least i'm feeling.
other times i think my skin is the only part of me that can be touched.

and these fears are filling us up,
and digging into the pores of the skin on our backs.
their swelling.
giant swollen fears that climb each vertebrate like a staircase.
like spiders, their good things.
tangible and fame proof.

A Mountainous Defeat.

A mountainous defeat she had conquered.
one larger than her neighbors back yard.
he hung his own fabrics on the clothes line which was perched a few feet away from his back door.
and although living alone,
he felt so loved by every blade of grass under his hanging garments.
but as she watched him hang each shirt and stolen pair os socks,
staring at him as he clutched the sweater his wife used to wear,
smelling the fabric as it absorbed his anguish,
she realized that although living in a house full of other bodies whose stories were told under skies full of lightening bugs and in rooms cold with the stench of truth,
she felt so alone.
as if each beating heart sitting next to her at the dinner table didn't mean a thing.
the hands that passed her the salt and poured her glass of chardonnay,
weren't anything but invisible.
but with time,
rolling clocks, and numbers passing,
she slowly started taking notice to the smiles that were thrown at her while she so graciously taught her fingers to dance across black and white keys,
she saw the fingers that ran through her hair.
so influential, so thought provoking.
she saw them just as she saw him, her neighbor.
in his back yard, hanging his dead wife's sweater.
it finally came to her,
her mountainous defeat.

paper cranes.

hang me in a tree dear, i'd like to feel the wind.
but i cannot wait forever, don't take to long.
you said you were going to put a lasso around the sun and pull it down.
replace it with the glowing moon and kiss her gently beneath it.
but i cannot hang under the moon, for the wind does not blow at night.

that is the time where life is still,
and movement is few.

i wont be able to watch the people passing by me,
because they will be asleep under a ceiling of stars.

i know you wont admit this,
but i am just another paper crane.
sitting among the pile of previously folded friends.

we sit on your dresser,
and i see you hang notes for her in trees so strong,
on branches so thick,
beneath the sun.

won't you hang me, dear?
punch a small hole through my neck,
and pull through a strand of your thinnest string.
tie it next to your love notes to her.
double knot it, so i won't fly away.

but no worries, because if i do,
if i do so graciously fly free from your thread,
you will find me returning to you.

but before i do so,
i will land on her shoulder.
kiss her cheek,
beneath the moon.